The Ultimatum

   Marriage is about give and take, right? Of course, all relationships are about give and take. But what if you find yourself giving and giving and giving, until you are exhausted. That was me. I sucked it up and did what I thought I was suppose to do in my marriage.

In December  I bought a business, and on January 1st,  I hit the ground running. Up until that point I had not worked two and a half years. This was a new endeavor and my husband supported me 100%, as did my children. I loved being able to work from home. Everything was going well.

Six months into my venture I needed to shift my attention from gaining new clients and getting to know everyone, to more traveling. I went out of town for a couple of days, returned home and a few days later left again, this time for 5 days. Typically I knew that I'd probably only be gone occasionally, but maybe a couple of days at a time.

After I returned home from my 5 day travel to Atlanta, my husband seemed annoyed at the least. Just as we started discussing the issue. My phone rang and it was a business call, I had been trying to reach this person all day. I told my husband I needed to take the call, it would just take a moment. This irritated him further and he left the room.

After my call, I apologized and told him the situation. It didn't matter. He was angry. He demanded to know how long "this" would go on. I said, "You knew going in to this it would take allot of my time, especially the first year." I thought he supported me, and he did, until my business started affecting him. He demanded that I tell him when this traveling and amount of time I devoted to the business would stop. I didn't know how long it would take to get the business to the level it needed to be at. He said, "I need a time frame, if you can't give me one then I'm outta here"  I said maybe another 6 moths to year, I don't know.

It was that moment when my lightbulb flickered. Something was wrong. I had been with this man 20 plus years. And been though the ups and downs of his job for years. His depression when we were at a low, his disconnection with the kids and me when he hit those lows in his job. The pep talks I would give him. It was not his fault, he was doing all he could. I stood by his side, through no money, bankruptcy, sickness and health, til death do you part...not once did I give him an ultimatum. Not once did I consider leaving because things were tough. We were in this boat together.

But now, 6 months into my business, and two trips later, this man, my husband was giving me an ultimatum. Threatening to leave. Angry because my business was affecting his life. I was in shock. Really I was completely blown away. Over the next few hours I could not believe that after all the years of standing by him, that his support was so self centered. I support you unless it affects me.

He did come back later and apologized for his behavior and the ultimatum. But the damage had been done. And my light bulb continued to flicker.